Confessions of a real life traveler

Things I already knew about Alaska before I started this blog:
1) Population: 6 (2 children and 4 bears)

2) Everyone has a pet polar bear.

3) It is dark a lot of the time.

4) Famous people live there. (I don't care what your political or personal inclinations are. You cannot deny that this woman is famous...or at least infamous.)

Alright, so confession time. Until yesterday afternoon, I had not actually investigated my trip itinerary. Mom, if you read this, it had nothing to do with disrespect. See, the first time I heard about this trip I thought it was a funny joke. "Want to go to Alaska?" I mean, sure, why not? I'll ride a bear and pet some sled dogs. No big deal.

And then a week later, I got my first itinerary for the trip. No joke, shout out to the ladies I am going with. These women put together an Alaskan land trip (no cruise involved) in like, 5 days. Probably less. I assume I'm the last to hear about anything, which is completely acceptable. I'll be lucky to pack a bag and make it to the airport in one piece. Maybe I should attach one of those children's leashes to myself. 

Then I don't have to worry about a thing! If I accidentally get too involved with my sight seeing....

I did think Alaska would be a relatively safe place to travel. This is what I have learned....

In 1960, 226,000 people lived in Alaska (yeah, the whole state.) There were 23 murders. 548 cars were stolen (I think that might be every car in Alaska at that time.) 

In 2009, 689,000 people lived in Alaska (yes, again, the whole state.) There were 24,998 total crimes (if every crime was committed by a different person, 4% of the population committed a crime that year.) There were only 22 murders though. So I'm thinking that even though the population increased, since the rate of murders has not increased there is probably just one serial killer that they can't catch or something like that. 

In case you wanted a crime comparison, I looked up the statistics for Ohio. Much larger population. Here is the analysis.

1960: Population 9,706,397. Murders, 311. Vehicle theft, 13,069.

2009: Population 11,542,645. Total crime 415,885 (3.6% of the population). Total murders- 519. 

So, it appears that I am less likely to be murdered in Alaska than I am in Ohio or probably any other state  in the continental US. Though I did find this sign in a "funny alaska sign" google image search....

Also, what I never did find online were statistics of random deaths in Alaska. Whether people froze to death, were eaten by bears or perhaps ate some bad fish. These things do not show up in my crime analysis so they must be taken into consideration. 

Moral of this story: Be prepared and hopefully you will live. I am now prepared, I read the itinerary. 

The ation of being prepared...preparation

"You know you're in Alaska when: the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze."

After watching the "extreme couponing" show on TLC earlier this week, this makes me wonder why extreme couponing is not an actual sport in Alaska. On this show, store patrons use coupons to purchase hundreds of the same item, many of those items coming from the freezer section. If you lived in Alaska, you wouldn't even have to unload the car after one of those trips unless you didn't want your lettuce to have icicles on it. I guess the only catch is that if your town in Alaska even has a grocery store, they probably only have 1 apple, a can of sardines and a community barrel of salt. To preserve the moose that the bear killed for you right outside your igloo door last night.

                                                                          Hello bear.

Anyhow. It is apparently less than two weeks until the great departure. I know this only because I just got off the phone with mother dearest and she said she is doing "Alaska Stuff." I was too afraid to ask, and she does read this blog, so I know I'll find out eventually. But what, pray tell, is "Alaska Stuff?" I definitely won't be packing until a few days before we leave. And I already have my boots and my flannel. Maybe she's ordering a deep freezer so she can practice withstanding inclement weather conditions? Or maybe she dressed her black lab up in a bear suit and she's going to run around the park behind her house, alternating between screaming bloody murder and curling up in a tiny ball to mimic a dead animal. Those are the two bear-escape tactics I'd try for sure.

Either way, I am doing no such preparations unless you want to count this blog. A friend of mine just got  to South Africa and I believe she felt similarly about her preparations. You just kinda wait around until its nearly time to go to the airport. Then, if you're me, you start freaking out about how you haven't been on a plane since you were 10 (that was 12 years ago) which was pre- 9/11 and you have no idea how to pack a suitcase with any sort of restrictions.

Then, you have to actually ride the plane. My ears have been giving me slight problems lately, so I'm wondering if the pressure from the takeoff with pop my eardrums. I'll have to warn the person sitting next to me I suppose. 

Ultimately, I'm sure it will all work out. And if problems arise,...what are mom's for anyway if not to clean up the messes? So I will just sit here and eat the giant container of cheese ball puffs that I got at Kmart last week and hope that when the time comes, I will rise to the challenge. 

Over and out!

Something old, something new

"You know you're in Alaska when: your monthly phone bill is larger than a house payment."

As promised, I have posted in this blog every day since the day I graduated.....

Ok, I lied. In all honesty, if you were to look through my blog draft box, you'd see 10 or 15 unfinished thoughts, gathering internet dust. It's not that I lacked the motivation or material. I suppose it was inspiration that fell short for me this time. However, with a renewed sense of "get it done" I'm back, and I intend to be back until June 11th! 

That's right people, 16 days to lace up my boots, gather my bear repellant, learn some Yupik and grow a winter coat.

Thus far, my preparations only go so far as having acquired boots, a flannel shirt and a sense of adventure. So what have I been doing in all my "free" time you ask? Check the list out:

1) Find transportation--> I considered snow shoes, a tricycle and a white stallion, but settled on this...

For the past few years I have been on my parents dime, driving around the family CRV (aka: the mom car......or so it was deemed by the happy passengers if they were lucky enough to get chauffeured around.) Unfortunately, the car had to get passed to the next child in line and I had to become an adult. I bargained, begged and straight up lied through my teeth, ultimately getting a decent deal and a sweet ride. 

2) Apply for jobs--> Did you know, even if you have a teaching degree, have tons of in class experience and a teaching license, its still incredibly difficult to get a teaching job? There are some days when I wonder if that diploma that just came in the mail is actually going to do me any good. 

I send hundreds of emails, fill out hundreds of online and paper applications, and have only had one interview to date. Over the phone. This is how I feel during a phone interview....

I have no idea what the other person is thinking or feeling. There is no vibe. Or body language. It's just me, inventing things like this on the other side of the phone....

La la la. Bored bored bored. Tell me something I haven't heard before. That's what I imagine is probably happening when I talk to someone on the phone. I have considered coming up with some authentic material, but nothing seems appropriate. All I have so far is "hi, I need a job. If you give me one I'll bake you cupcakes and mow your lawn." I figure everyone wants cupcakes and with all the rain we've had, everyone's lawn needs a good mow. It can count as "other duties as assigned." 

3) Sleep--> It appears as though the long periods of time in my undergrad that I spent less than 4 hours a night on sleep are trying to even themselves out now. I can sleep for 8 hours, get up and eat some cheerios, and then go back to sleep for another 2 or 3 hour nap. 

My summer boss knew last year that my "beauty sleep" was something that was of great importance to me but I think I'm taking it to a whole new level. I no longer believe in too much sleep. Sleep all the freaking time, people! If you have the time, sleeping is the obvious answer. Why take energy out of the cosmos when you can be drooling on your pillow?

4) Coffee--> I got "off" coffee during second semester this year because I was an addict during student teaching. However, I've jumped back on the train at a little cafe in a quaint little town near where I'm staying. My first sip of soy latte did this to my life....

And then this happened in my brain....

And now this is my new motto...

So, the inspiration is back. Whether it be by way of coffee, sunshine or otherwise. So smile! And keep reading :)